My baby brother.
My first best friend.
My soul twin.
My silent co-author.

You are the reason for every word I write. This space - A Heart Rearranged - was born because I lost you, but it exists so you can keep living.

I still don’t know how to carry the weight of your absence. Some days it crushes me. Some days I wear it like armor. But I always carry it. I carry you. In every line, in every memory shared, in every moment I choose to stay when the grief begs me to disappear. You didn’t get to keep going, so I will go on for both of us. And I will make that going matter.

This blog isn’t just a place for me to process pain - it’s a way to make sure your name is never lost in the silence. I want your life to continue in these words. I want your story, your laughter, your love, your struggle, to breathe life into someone else’s darkness. I want someone standing on the edge of despair to find a flicker of hope in something I write and step back. I want your legacy to be a lighthouse.

This space breathes because you once did. You are the heartbeat behind it all - the pulse that moves through every syllable. I want the ache of missing you to mean something, to become something. I want this ache to become a bridge, reaching those still in the thick of it, offering connection, offering grace.  I long for this to become a place where the hurting can rest and remember they’re not walking this road alone.

I write to honor you. To grieve you. To love you, still. To keep you here in the only way I know how.
This isn’t just for you. It is you.

Forever my brother,
Forever my why.

With all the love I never got to say,
-“Cole Butt”