At the end of the day, all we really have are our memories. Yes, I know that social media has allowed us to put these memories in a digital capsule so we can revisit them, but there are some things that no amount of media can capture.
As a mom, I look forward to the memories that I’m going to make on special days and on special occasions. Most of my favorite memories are those unexpected, unpredictable moments that just happen when little ones are involved. I’ve learned to cherish them all a little more. I delight in those sweet faces that gleam at me when something spectacular happens to them. I work hard to hold it together when those faces are a bit more sour, and they need me to make it all better. Whether these moments be good, bad, silly, or sad, I get to have them each day with 2 of my boys. Even on the days that my four (thinks he’s 15) year old and I butt heads, I still thank the Lord that I have that day with him to butt heads. If you’ve never lost one, you might not think about putting that in your daily prayers.
What about all of those should-be memories, though? There’s an entire album on social media for each angel mom where all of the memories that would have been would have been found. Instead of TimeHop showing the cute picture of when they first ate green peas, it pops up to show you that a year ago that day, you were just as sad as you are that day because you don’t have that little one at home. At home, there is either an empty hall that would have otherwise been a shrine to your adorable child highlighting great moments, or there is that picture the NEVER changes. If you have other children, their 8 x 10s change pretty consistently. You only have one stage of their life; their death. If parents were able to see their child take a breath before their little soul left, there may be a small variety, but not much. For families like mine, they each handle this differently, as they should. The memories that they’ll never make with that child are just as sacred as if they happened, if not more so.
Some of my should-be memories are tucked away in the box that holds everything important about him. The crochet hat and diaper cover that he would have looked beyond cute in for newborn pictures now sits in that box and will never adorn a little one. The fishing hat that his great-grandpa had embroidered will never get thrown into the lake as he slings it off, because he is completely over wearing a hat. Every family picture should include the purchase of just one more complimenting shirt or outfit. Every holiday should be a little more exhausting because there are 3 to contain instead of just the 2.
A lot of people think that they know what is best for parents, like me, around these moments. Most believe distraction is the best solution. For some parents it might be. Making it a pressure free experience, will be better for everyone. Don’t be offended if they don’t want to go along with the original plan. It isn’t about you; it really isn’t about them; it is about their child. With Love-Heather