Here I Stand

I usually get lost in thought if I’m ever in  a moment of silence and calm. Those moments are very rare being a school teacher and mom chasing 2 little ones around, but occasionally, they do occur. My rainbow baby will be 1 next week. How strange time really is and how bizarre it is that while joy gives the illusion of time passing quickly, grief (which you would like to end soon) drags on beyond slowly. Wyatt’s day has come and gone this year, but where he would be in his milestones is always on my mind. My oldest is starting soccer. Would Wyatt be remotely interested in sports? We would have just wrapped up celebrating his 2nd birthday this month. After my oldest, I would have never thought that I would long for another 2-year old, yet here I stand wishing I had that 2 year old and all of the glory that being 2 brings to a house. I know that in another very quick year there will be a 2 year old running this house, but it isn’t the same. Everyone says that if you have multiple children you love them all the same. Maybe that’s true for some. For me, not so much. Do I love one more than the other? Of course not! How I love each of them is very different though. I think that’s normal. Each kid, each experience, each story is different so their attention should be different. How I have to love Wyatt is nothing like I ever imagined I would have to love a child of mine; yet here I stand 2 years later writing this out to the world, being as transparent with my grief and reality as possible. There are still some days that I fall to my knees and weep for him, but today, I stand. With Love-Heather


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