Finding myself through him

This is the first post on a new site, and I’m excited for what it will be bringing in the near future.

It has almost been 2 years since I held my sweet Wyatt and laid eyes on him, other than through a picture. These 2 years have been interesting, to say the least. Every emotion has occurred numerous times for various reasons, but through it all, we are all learning more about ourselves than ever thought possible. We think we know who we are as teenagers and then learn quickly how wrong we were. We then get this grand idea that college and/or a career allows you to discover yourself. Wrong! These pieces of our of lives definitely play an intricate role but, by no means, truly defines us.

I thought I new my purpose. I didn’t and I still don’t, but Wyatt is giving me a different road to take. This road has been like no other and I imagine, will continue to do so. I used to take hurtful situations and put them behind me. Sure, I’d learn something valuable from it, although, it wasn’t my driving force for pushing onward. The death of my son has been different in that regard. I don’t want to forget him or put it behind me. I don’t want to let it go. Of course I wish he were here with us and this wasn’t my cause, but the reality is that it is. Our loss (my loss as a mother) is the driving force in my life. In my daily reflections and prayers, I always check myself on how I “mothered” my other sons. I am able to talk about our experience most days, and I know that my open discussion about it and him brings some peace to other families. This road I’m on is like an extremely long scavenger hunt. I’m periodically finding pieces of me (new and old) to connect to other pieces like a jigsaw puzzle. Sometime two consecutive pieces don’t quite match up, and I have to be alright with that until I find that matching piece. That’s a bit tough for me, but I’m making it thus far. With Love-Heather

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *