One More Minute

   I’m writing this at 12:30am so forgive me if I seem to drift while in thought.
   It began storming this evening so I knew what eventually that would bring. My oldest would, at some point, be in my room trying to climb in bed. As predicted, about 35 minutes ago, he did just that. “The storm is too scary and loud. I don’t like the dark. I NEED to sleep for you.” He confuses “for” and “with”. These little phrases are nothing new to my sleepy ears and as much as I try to teach him that storms are nothing to fear, I cherish the moments he still NEEDS me. I told him we could cuddle for a little bit but then he had to go to bed. In his sweetest tiny whisper he replied “ok, because that’s what mommies and her boys do.” His precious grin can skip any heart. Once I finally got him back to bed, I rubbed his back per request and stayed in there for about another minute or two. “Mommy, you stay 1 more minute, k?” How could I say no? Isn’t that what mommies do FOR her boys?
     Through the unexpected storm of losing Wyatt, fear rendered me paralyzed at times. Through the rain showers of my tears, I could hardly recognize myself some days. Some days, really most in the beginning, I NEEDED my husband, my parents, and my closest friends to hold me for no other purpose than as a safety net. What I would have given for just 1 more minute! 1 more minute to hold his hand, or run my thumb gently over his forehead, or kiss that sweet face, 1 more minute to rock him and sing to him. 1 more minute would have held a lifetime yet would have ended so quickly.
    My oldest and now, my youngest, show me everyday how to appreciate and emerse myself in those 1 minutes. It will only take 1 minute and my rainbow baby will let go of the couch and start walking “no hands” style. In 1 minute I’ll blink and my oldest will be starting school (literally in 2 years) but I’ll look back and think those weren’t years that passed, just minutes. B-man and P-man need me here in every capacity. Wyatt needs me to transcend my earthly mother duties and live for him, live with him in my heart and soul, live without fearing the storm. With Love- Heather

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