Reliving that week

  There I was, walking into work on the first day of school last Monday, vividly remembering that last year I didn’t start school with everyone else. While my coworkers were fighting first day traffic, I was lying in a hospital bed not hearing the sound of my sweet Wyatt’s heart. The silence spoke volumes! I took a brief moment last Monday when I first walked in my classroom to sit in the calm and silence, just to put myself together. Luckily, the silence didn’t last too long!
    The next day was Wyatt’s Day. The 18th of August isn’t the day he was born and actually wasn’t the day he died; it’s the day we learned we wouldn’t take him home, so “Wyatt’s Day” is what it will be called from now on. On Tuesday, I managed to make it through day two of policies and procedures, icebreaker activities, and smiling so the kids wouldn’t know I was breaking. After work, Nathen, Barrett and I went out to the cemetery to visit Wyatt. Barrett sat by his little brother’s grave and played with Wyatt’s toys, knowing all along that they weren’t his toys. We brought flowers and balloons but in lieu of a burial that was happening on the following day, we didn’t put the balloons out. Nathen forgot that the big Mickey balloon was in the backseat and before he realized it, the wind carried it away when he opened the back door. We both just smiled. We agreed that it was fitting considering the wind always blows when someone visits him, just like on the day we buried him. We went out for dinner afterwards and then back home to our normal bedtime routine.
    The rest of the week was hard too. Thoughts and feelings that had been tucked away came flooding back. Memories that were suppressed of that week floated to the surface with more clarity than ever. It made me realize how far I haven’t come in this journey yet.
   I took his other Mickey balloon out to him today. It was big brother approved so I know Wyatt likes it! With love- Heather

He got a guitar just like his big brother did and Barrett gave him one his horses. ( He tried to take it back but we convinced him otherwise.) Poor little guy’s marker lost all of the surrounding grass due to other burials so I asked them to put something down, hence the brown sod. 

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