Already having 2 boys means that this third boy already has everything he needs. Even though I am totally unprepared for him (no room, no name, etc.), I know that if for some reason he made his appearance tomorrow, we would be fine. I’d simply send people to the storage unit, get out the bare essentials needed for him and then I’d figure it out when I got home.
Although I am very thankful for this life growing inside of me, I have been overly cautious to not get too excited about anything this time around. Everyone says that the probability of us losing him like Wyatt is slim, but until you’ve been in this position, you don’t realize how irrelevant statistics really are. Emotion dominates EVERYTHING! I am now 2 months away from meeting this little one and have decided that I have to start doing things for him, regardless of what I’m experiencing in my head and heart.
I decided that his room will be cute dinosaurs, and I actually bought the bedding. I haven’t taken it out of the packaging and washed it yet…..baby steps. Even though we have enough baby clothes to supply about 10 kids, I wanted him to have somethings that were bought just for him. There are several pieces that have never been worn, as they were bought for Wyatt, but I still wanted him to have things that weren’t just passed down. Silly, I know; he won’t know the difference. I finally found a blanket for him that just as soon as he has a name, I will get it embroidered. I scheduled my maternity pictures and even scheduled for a hair stylist to do my hair for it, which I didn’t do for the other two.
In the next few months, my world will be overflowing with an unending “to do” list as I prepare for my brother’s wedding, school starting back, writing plans for my long-term sub, honoring my sweet Wyatt for his first year as an angel, getting ready to meet this little one, and planning a 3rd birthday party for a silly little boy. I so easily am able to separate my feelings when it comes to Barrett and Wyatt. I’m beginning to learn how to separate my feelings that came from Wyatt from the feelings that I need to have for this baby. Just as I do things only for Barrett and things only for Wyatt, even to this day, I’m starting to do things just for him. He is as important as my other two and deserves it as well. With love- Heather